No one told me when I got pregnant that the journey would have no end
No one told me that there would be days when I would feel so tired I would not be sure I could do it
And certainly, no one has told me that it would get harder and harder each day...
Maybe I heard it from my mother during my own upbringing but then I would say my favourite sentence "I did not ask to be born"
During my pregnancy something very strange happened to me called sharing, being an only child, only niece and granddaughter from both mother and father I had to share my body and attention from those around me. Even so I became a lioness ready to kill anyone who dared cross my way to financial security and the fridge included.
Then my mindset was that I wouldn't give up my life to end up like one of those frustrated parents who live their lives through their children. There would be certain limits to my love so that I would never have to suffer rejection or abandon. I was quite enough that my baby was like a demanding parasite inside me. I loved my baby, don't get me wrong, but I wanted it to be born soon for the nightmare to be over.
Every day I would look accusingly at my husband and say I would never do it again, NEVER!
Then the day finally came, one week earlier, the water broke,and off we went to the hospital. During the procedures I would tell my doctor three things 1)"Give me drugs" 2)"Take note of the time so that I can do her birth chart" and 3) "Sew it properly because I don't want "two tummies"". And it was all a bit fuzzy but the real fear was for my husband not to pass out since his colour was greenish grey by then... And She came then and when I looked at her so small (small for me, she was a big baby) and vulnerable crying and wrapped up like a little bundle. They put her in my arms; she rubbed her perfect little nose in my neck and stopped crying. I could see sunshine and hearts radiating out of her and what I said then was ironically hilarious for I looked at my husband and said "I love her so much, let's have another one?"
One could delegate the origin of such words to oxytocin but after that my love kept growing for that little being who needed me so much that I felt suffocated and trapped many times. But I would give my life for her there, here and forever. I understand my mother better today and respect her so much more. What a great mother she is. Thank you mom for putting up with me and my tantrums, for teaching me everything I know about a lot and finally thank you mom for all the love and sacrifices only a mother would do. Every mother should get a gold medal for patience, stamina,pain and torture endurance, lack of sleep world records are beaten every day in rooms all over the world... And We will never know...
I honour you mother today, yesterday, tomorrow and forever...