A mermaid’s tale and a maid’s tail
So I have vanished for a while but the truth is I’ve been busy and I haven’t been inspired to write. I good friend of mine said that to be creative you have to be a bit melancholic and I agree. I’ve been busy taking control over certain things. I took control over what I eat and am happy now with my body and myself. I was out of control, eating like an overfed fish, I wouldn’t fit my clothes anymore and I was so sad. I wanted to find myself but all my actions were contrary and I was shifting far away from my goals. My body wasn’t answering and I didn’t know how to change that vicious circle. Then suddenly the perspective of change, moving houses, organizing and giving to charity all that I wasn’t wearing for many years, waking up at six in the morning and being in control of time and not letting it control me. So I am changing, like the snake of time, shedding the scales and growing my inner power.
I lost the weight that bothered me and I control time. My dressing room doesn’t look like a war zone and I’ve been experimenting on using my creativity instead of my credit card. My daughter asked me for a mermaid’s tail to use it for a bath, looking on amazon I found a mermaid tail that cost no more and no less than £54 pounds so I decided to dust the sewing machine and went to a farmer’s market where I knew they had fabrics. The result is that I only spent £8 and she was so proud of her tail. I bet you if I had bought one so expensive she wouldn’t like it as much. In one afternoon of SINGER’s manual and a few pricks on my fingers I finished the tail.
I dye my own hair when in England because I am really loyal to my hairdresser in Brazil. So I decided to dye my hair on Friday and forgot about it the minute I left the bathroom so when I came back home at night the bathroom did look like a murder scene with brown hair dye staining the bath tub, I tried to clean and couldn’t AAAHHHHH!!!! Today I sprayed the bath tub with vanish for clothes and RESULT it was a miracle. Here is the tip if you ever had the same problem…. Vanish for stained fabric is a miracle in the bath tub!!!! YEAHHHHH!!!
Have a great Sunday and a great week!
So I have told you all about my adventures on the property Auction and then after purchasing the property I have to tell you that it's hard work but it will be worth it. It's a stone cottage and we found out it exists since 1850's but even then those were the oldest registers we could find. There are original features but my goodness it needs love!
I feel the ghosts there...
There is an eucalyptus tree and an apple tree, roses were covering the stone house with its thorns to the point of suffocation so the house was buried in thorns like in Sleeping Beauty but there was no beauty to be found there, there was damp because as pretty as it looked from the outside the ivy and the roses were they did not allow the house to breath and we found there was a draining ditch completely blocked on purpose at the back of the house so that was another damp source.
My daughter started Reception in Pre-School this week as well and she has homework! Personally I wasn't keen on homework as a child and now I'm working on building an opposite reaction on her.
I got back from Brasil with a renewed energy and ready to live my dreams and help my family to do the same. I had this massage in Brasil called bioenergetic massage when in Gravatal and if you believe in the spiritual world you'll understand when I say that it changed the core of my emotions unblocking a sadness and a weight I was carrying along with me. I cried and with a special breathing and some words from the therapist I started to understand that I was living to make everybody around me happy but I wasn't thinking about making myself happy and so I could not reach anything if you know what I mean? Life is full of obstacles and sometimes we lose the thread of what motivated us to start in the first place...
I was listening yesterday on the radio, while driving my car through a tunnel of green trees, about this book called "Sacred places" I think and the author was explaining about it that some places are sacred due to its extreme beauty given by nature and that beauty surrounds you and you feel the presence of the divine other places are sacred because they are places where people go to pray and feel gratitude, another kind of sacred place is the one where many strong people of faith, and it doesn't matter the faith, lived. And so the author was explaining that we all have maps in out heads and places we seek to when we need comfort or strength...
If you go deep inside yourself you will find everything you were looking for, the energy to follow your dreams, the strength you need to make that jump! The power is in you and don't you ever forget that.
Million dollar baby without the boxing ...
There are so many things I have always wanted to do and never got the chance to, places I would like to go, that patchwork quilt made of all the fabric I keep stuffed everywhere in the house. In fact if I start to think about it critically about myself it will be torture so what I do is think about that movie, yeah THAT MOVIE GIVES ME COMFORT because in “Million Dollar Baby” the girl is 30 plus years old and she has a dream and goes after it with all that she has even against all odds she goes for the coach she wants but he spends the whole movie saying she is too old and just starting so she has no chance. Ok I admit it that the end is sad but even then it’s an inspiring movie because it makes me value life and accept the age I am now, gives me hope because she proves they were wrong to put her down, she makes herself be admired and loved by the coach and by love I mean fraternal love. I haven't made it clear until now that I don’t want to become a professional boxer and never had career ambitions. In fact today, apart from one stone over my mental images, I pretty much achieved all of my childhood dreams and mental images of how my life would be.
What would you do if you had a time machine?
Do you remember that movie with Christopher Reeves where he wanted to meet a girl he saw on a photograph and he dressed himself with clothes from the time and kept repeating time and time again until he met her? Do you believe that all your dreams can become true if you believe they will? Have you ever wondered why is it that some people have it all and some don’t? Why are some born with so much and others with nothing? Is the whole theory of life after death true and if it is would that justify our actions here on this life? Is personality a product of our environment or our DNA? Why? Why? Why? If life is a loop then death is what? Do you believe in “an eye for an eye”?
All I know is that since I was really small I have always had this pain and compassion that made me cry and feel guilty for seeing an old person suffering. Sensibility comes with a price, being born in a good family and out of love comes with a price. More than once I was told my soul was ancient and what does that mean? When I was really small I used to go and sleep at my grandmother’s home and in her bed sometimes. She was really catholic with a portrait of Sacred Heart of JESUS in front of her bed and once I dreamt he was extending his arms and looking at me offering his heart to me. Years later I used to dream all the time I was flying and then one day during a very hard time in my life I dreamt about a saint that unties knots and I had a little pray with her image in a flyer I got on the streets and as I was falling asleep there was this feeling of cold fear and a bad presence around me that in my semi-asleep condition made my light shade shake then she came to me the saint that unties the knots and she was doing it for me and for my life giving me reassurance that whatever problems I was facing they would be resolved.
When my father died it was unexpected one day he was here and the next he wasn’t and I saw him die of a heart attack. Ten years later I used to dream we met in a greenish blue hotel room and he was never dead he was just traveling around the world. I used to say to him in my dreams “Why didn’t you tell me? I have so much to tell you!” and the only thing that was clear to me was that he was aware of what was important in my life and he loved me so much but he needed to continue with his journey. Many dreams I’ve had in my life that warned or reassured me.
So my belief is that we are all energy, pure energy and energy can be light or the lack of light creating the dark holes and yes there are good and there are bad people as there is light and darkness we are all little children when it comes to understanding who and why are we here in this planet.
Have you ever felt unprotected and vulnerable? Have you ever felt rage for being the victim of injustices? I did felt like this a few times and that’s where Nicolau Maquiavel became one of my best friends. Revenge is a plate that has to be eaten cold but for me it has always been a delicious CARPACCIO well made. When I felt injustice was made to me the thought was about velvet gloves and being as good as I could for an eye for an eye exists but not by paying on the same coin but a coin made of platinum with diamonds. In reality by the time you are eating that delicious CARPACCIO you are so entranced in to your self- improvement and in procuring the reality of your dreams that whoever is feeling the pain of the velvet glove is left behind in light years.
Recurring to my earlier questions which some have been answered to my best capabilities and others are not suitable for a mere human being to answer. For me to answer those questions I would need to be GOD or die and my soul intents to live life to the full. This ancient soul of mine intents to live the birth of dreams and goals and the path walked to reach them and then more dreams and goals… The loop is here and now, every day when you awake to life there is a choice to be made: FACE IT AS A MIRACLE OR JUST ONE MORE DAY, IT’S YOUR CHOICE WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
I remember the first time when I was home alone. I was about twelve years old and I realized the beauty solitude can be. There and then I fell in love with my own company, fell in love with little silly secrets . I discovered that whatever action of mine was only observed by me and my conscience. It’s not that those secrets were anything worthy of being secrets but just the acknowledgement achieved that day, that moment, that no eyes would judge or admire my actions gave me power for such experience can be quite exhilarating.
I have memories and sensations that shaped my personality. I remember my mom coming back from the hairdresser with long red curls and thinking she was the most beautiful woman in the world. I remember just laughing with my dad and thinking he was just the coolest handsomest guy in the world. And this admiration and love will never cease to exist. I am very lucky because I was brought up in to so much love and amidst people that I will always admire. One day I discovered my parents were far from being perfect but still to me they are and will always be the most perfect imperfect people in the world.
Life is made of so many little moments and it’s hard sometimes to just transform yourself in to an eagle and observe your reality from a totally different perception. I have, since as long as I can remember, been able to be an eagle and fly high surrounding that moment of pain or glory. It is simple to do it for all one needs is to try to imagine how that moment will reverberate in the memory and heart years ahead and in doing it so the eagle that exists in you will fly and disconnect from the moment and the emotions caused by whatever situation. When I fly I do it out of wisdom and not out of any “enhancements” and/or “substances” other than my capacity to cope with situations for this article has no correlation to “The doors perception”. I just manage to see the bigger picture in moments when emotions are clouding my view. Emotions can be the biggest enemies of wisdom. They are addictive, repetitive, cruel and kind. An emotion can cause eco in the soul and that eco can trigger a person to act in ripples repeatedly responding to the original point where the shout started.
It can be extremely difficult to break the ripple and shout back creating a different eco when every single molecule in your body intoxicated by the emotion trigger that caused that ECO OOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!! That caused that ripple that some never stop recreating over and over those same “comforting” sensations ( by comforting I don’t mean good necessarily but well recognized the ripple).
A Siberian Shaman once took a small group of people to a mountain surrounded by the sea and in this group it happens that I was a part along with my mother. After many exercises with drums and especial breathing exercises. Then the Shaman asked us to each in its time shout really loud, to scream from the top of our lungs asking the “GREAT SPIRIT” or was it “ANCIENT GREAT SPIRIT OF EARTH”? The mission for each and every one of the small group was to shout and ask for our deepest desire in life. They all shouted first but when it was my turn I did it with all my might asking for my deepest and most profound desire in life. I shouted looking at the sky and the infinity of the sea and I was feeling like I was talking to the Universe, to God, to the origins of every single molecule of energy that has ever existed and will ever exist and I asked it. What I asked for I got and when I finished my whole body was shaking with that energy of pure release and completion. I really created a different eco there and then. Braking the ripple and creating a different eco, flying the eagle of wisdom … Yep by now whoever reads these might take me for a total loony but do you know what? I really do not care!!!
Have a great weekend and break the ripple !