So I have told you all about my adventures on the property Auction and then after purchasing the property I have to tell you that it's hard work but it will be worth it. It's a stone cottage and we found out it exists since 1850's but even then those were the oldest registers we could find. There are original features but my goodness it needs love! I feel the ghosts there... There is an eucalyptus tree and an apple tree, roses were covering the stone house with its thorns to the point of suffocation so the house was buried in thorns like in Sleeping Beauty but there was no beauty to be found there, there was damp because as pretty as it looked from the outside the ivy and the roses were they did not allow the house to breath and we found there was a draining ditch completely blocked on purpose at the back of the house so that was another damp source. My daughter started Reception in Pre-School this week as well and she has homework! Personally I wasn't keen on homework as a child and now I'm working on building an opposite reaction on her. I got back from Brasil with a renewed energy and ready to live my dreams and help my family to do the same. I had this massage in Brasil called bioenergetic massage when in Gravatal and if you believe in the spiritual world you'll understand when I say that it changed the core of my emotions unblocking a sadness and a weight I was carrying along with me. I cried and with a special breathing and some words from the therapist I started to understand that I was living to make everybody around me happy but I wasn't thinking about making myself happy and so I could not reach anything if you know what I mean? Life is full of obstacles and sometimes we lose the thread of what motivated us to start in the first place... I was listening yesterday on the radio, while driving my car through a tunnel of green trees, about this book called "Sacred places" I think and the author was explaining about it that some places are sacred due to its extreme beauty given by nature and that beauty surrounds you and you feel the presence of the divine other places are sacred because they are places where people go to pray and feel gratitude, another kind of sacred place is the one where many strong people of faith, and it doesn't matter the faith, lived. And so the author was explaining that we all have maps in out heads and places we seek to when we need comfort or strength... If you go deep inside yourself you will find everything you were looking for, the energy to follow your dreams, the strength you need to make that jump! The power is in you and don't you ever forget that.
I'm back and full of good energies and missed you all so much! I went to Brazil with my daughter for 3 weeks and as usual going to Brasil does bring back my insecurities but it makes me work hard to get the self image a boost. First you get there after 24 hours without sleep and totally bloated from three flights and you know you're above weight and Brazil is the place to feel self conscience on the image you project. I got there one day after my Birthday and my mom was the best, she spoiled me and my daughter so much!
It's good to be spoiled and loved and going back to spend time with the F-A-M-I-L-Y ...
My father's had a younger brother called Henrique do Valle that died in 1981 of an overdose result caused by the time the coup 1964 when my family was exiled and after that non of the young children exiled was ever the same. My uncle was a pure and beautiful soul and a poet that had lightness of fairies and rage of a generation oppressed , so a few months ago I was contacted by an editorial and press about his work being me his only living relative I gave them the material and signed authorization for a new book. In Brazil this month I went to the book launch and what an honour to see my relatives and many people who loves his work there. I remember sitting by his lap and pressing the buttons of his writing machine orange coloured in his bedroom. Legend says I was the only one allowed to touch it. I was 3 years old when he passed away...
I went to a magical place called Gravatal in Santa Catarina where important things along my life happened. The Hotel Termas do Gravatal international has a wealth of healthy programs and volcanic waters released for a few hours a day in to marble baths and the waters are warm at around 37*C naturally from the source. I grew up going there since there is a special friend of my mom and my dad and mine who owns it. She is the most beautiful woman with the giant heart of a lioness like me. When I was a teen she took me there for a few weeks to take my drivers licence and would just lend me the car to practice. And when I met my husband I took him there and we spent our honey moon there. This place is located between green mountains with tracks to hike, mud baths, wine therapy baths, chocolate baths and all sorts of therapeutic massages and therapies. Going there with my daughter and having those jets of pure thermal water cleansing and massaging my being. Seeing friends I grew up with was just rejuvenating and perfect. My mom was so sweet to look after my daughter and letting me heal and enjoy that paradise.
Then I went to my hairdresser Dimi Rafaelli and he did his miracle on me with the brazilian hair keratine brush followed by a many/pedi at the same time with a waxing and my eyelashes being permanently curled up by Carmen Barcellos both in Porto Alegre, Hugo Beauty Lageado.
I need to confess that I have caved in to a little botox in my forehead perfectly performed by a dermatologist specialized in beauty called Veronica Bender in Porto Alegre as well..
Thanks Brazil for lifting my self image to the sky!
When I was small my daddy used to take me to the cinema, he was quite blind and had to wear contacts to see anything so when in the movies we used to get the front row and at the end of the movie my daddy used to get on his feet and clap his hands. He grew up in Buenos Aires where it’s a costume to clap at the end of a movie or a long haul flight. I remember being really small and going to see Blade Runner, his favourite movie at the time. And by the end of the movie he said to me that it did not matter what was happening in my life, to go to the movies when I needed to switch of. My father used to set the scenes and use all around him as puppets to his own entertainment, not in a bad or mean way. People just liked to please him, to make him laugh. It’s funny because I remember his eyes and what they said in different situations. With my parents I have learned about complicity (in the dictionary it means to be a partner in crime) and that is what we all aim, isn’t it? Bad and good shared secrets. A person who understands and loves every single bit of us. Because it does not matter how good we try to appear, every single person has secret parts that are not perfection and lightness. Would there be light without darkness? Certainly not! When I see a person claiming perfection I feel scared because I don’t believe in that. I believe that if you are really good at one thing it is due to the opposite quality being strong in you (yeah! I know…The force is strong in you Anakin/Darth Vader). If you feel really scared about a certain thing you will perfect that about yourself until you are, to the eyes of the world, fearless. But deep inside we all know that the fear is there, lingering and insinuating itself. The fear of not being good enough, the fear of being ugly, the fear of being ill, the fear… No one is fearless, we all have our fears and cooping solutions that might sometimes even create serious threats to our health. Even the kamikaze will one day realize that the fear was that of a boring life. The athlete realizes one day that the fear was defeat. The business tycoon will realize that the fear was to be poor. And so on, I believe that we all do have darkness and light, good and bad, sad and happy, truth and lies. Us human beings are complex little tiny creatures that spend our precious lives fighting whatever is inside of us we consider wrong or ugly or mistaken. History was built-in it.
YIN and Yang, light and darkness, evil and goodness… Success and failure, abundant and scattered, the opposites are always so close in themselves and they are enemies and lovers inside this such thing called SOULS …It's easy to judge and criticise but it's really difficult to look inside ourselves and question what are our motivations and why do we criticize knowing we could not do it better. Mirrors and sand are my answers. Mirrors because we usually criticize most what we see in others that consciously or not is ugly inside ourselves. We project in others the hate and frustrations we've got. And of course directly proportional is our admiration and flatter when we identify our beauty in others. Sand is all the "castles made of sand that fall in to the sea, eventually" (Jimmy Hendrix) and this I say it because in our minds we create scenarios and towers of thoughts and projections that eventually might crumble in the sea of destruction and chaos. Not all of it but some.
I guess the meaning of this article is that we can't project in others our frustrations or outcomes to our dreams, the best we can do is to reach our deepest motivations and fight our fears so that we can shine our light. We have to fight the darkness within and let the beauty of this internal fight outshine everything else. Empires fall and all that goes up, one day goes down and vice versa. If you ever find yourself deep in the bottom of the well called life, don't give up and imagine a giant trampoline there waiting for you. That's how I always did, imagine the power of the PHOENIX ...
We are not robots but at least the robots from Blade Runner wanted to live and you? What do you want?
"She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities" Henry James
My mom always said that " opportunities are like a running horse and if you don't jump on it the horse won't come back" so sometimes the horse is running and you don't jump because you are too scared and you are measuring the risks. It's ok though because maybe it wasn't meant to be but sometimes you have to risk it a little bit and create more opportunities. In my view that is the only way to make the most out of life.