I am so scared!!!
I don’t know if you remember the stone cottage I bought at auction and I was euphoric at the time but as reality sets I am so frightened… The plan is to move our home then finish the cottage and sell it again and it’s a great plan. We decided we needed to do things that would take us out of our comfort zone while we are not too old ( and isn’t life all about changes and facing your fears, get out of your comfort zone and live?).
Sometimes I feel like I am carrying the world and balancing between two gigantic buildings in New York on top of a thin line … AHHHAHHH
I have moved countries with a tiny baby for goodness sakes !!! I have moved out of my comfort zone the moment I was born and I have felt like this before, maybe it’s age or maybe it’s because I did my home with love and it’s difficult to just let go… The situation is not bad and I am privileged to own two beautiful homes at the moment, I am a lucky b…ee… if you know what I mean? But that is so scary …
We are all tired and now I am reminded about a nightmare I have sometimes .. We are couples and we have to dance until the last one standing wins but hey?! It’s not a nightmare but reality disguised in caricatures of enhanced realities. And in life, sometimes, while living it you think it’s hard but it does pass and on tomorrow’s yesterday this memory will be a happy memory since I will have faced my fears already and will look for more challenges. The moment we stop challenging our comfort zone is the day we die and so that’s where I am in life at the moment.
Have a nice week and think about it… We build a perfect life and get comfortable, where we go from there it’s what distinguish us as eternal beauties or statues.
©copyrights Sybil Schon -www.unfocusedsecretbeautee.com
MAKE FRIENDS MAKE FRIENDS NEVER EVER BRAKE FRIENDS
We were born with a few months difference, put together in the cradle when our parents were parting in the end of seventies and legend says she sucked my big toes in place of using the pacifier. We grew up as best friends at the same street. I used to get sick with her so we could skip school and play cards. We used to fight like sisters do, I remember she was biting my hands and I was squashing her cheeks with all my might. Two minutes later we were friends again. We didn’t go to the same school and frequented different social circles. We are so different, She went after a career that satisfies her and I admire her for that while I became a “barbie” as she put it once and then a mother. It never mattered to us who we were with and our differences we were always there for each other with a phone call or a visit. Wherever we are in life I know She is always there for me.
True friends might tell you off when they see you unhappy or being bad to yourself but you don’t feel judged or bad for being who you are. She knows who I am and I know who she is in the essence. She knows I can be ugly inside and loves me even so and it’s the same for me. We have been like this for as long as I can remember. Because we are true friends we are not jealous of our victories but we are happy. She came to visit and again we are best friends. I love her and she loves me for ever....
THE CAMPING TRIP
I have a confession to make... I have never been on a camping trip before yesterday. Since sunday I hosted a Birthday party for seventeen four years old little friends of my currently four years old daughter. By the end of the party I came back home and started opening presents and writing down thank you cards. Then we decided that on monday we would go camping (we didn't have a tent or sleeping bags or anything) for the night of monday only. So yesterday I woke up and got some clothes and some food and we went to the supermarket then the outdoors shop to buy a tent. We set up the tent and I decided to explore the surroundings with my little daughter and we ended up in an Idyllic beach after going down a mountain through a deserted enchanted forest with waterfalls and streams running throughout. The forest reminded me of Snow White's Fairytale. By the time We got to the beach we were already tired and my dear daughter was already asking me for a cuddle (to be carried on my arms) and we had the way up the hill to face. I put my bravest face and we started climbing that hill forest, I was scared by then because it was a gloomy forest and what if we got lost? plus it was 17hs by then... up we went while having my daughter in my back sometimes. At a certain point I thought with myself that I would not be able to finish it but there was no phone coverage (not one little bar) and if I gave up then we would have to what? Sleep in the forest? plus I did believe we were lost. My clothes were all dirty and sweat left my hair wet but I could not give up... By then it was a nightmare and I started thinking about those stories of tourists that disappear and are never found... I couldn't seem nervous for my daughter's sake... I heard then what sounded like a helicopter and thought that maybe it was my husband worried since we had left for 4 hours but we kept going because no helicopter would spot us deep in those woods and knowing my husband I knew he would only worry if it was night and we were not back... then it escaped my mouth "I DO NOT LIKE NATURE IN TIMES LIKE THIS". And after what seemed like an eternity I found the first fence that would lead us back to the camping site. After three more fences we would be back. My arms were killing me from holding my brave daughter, my glutes were burning and started raining hard when we got to the tent. My husband had just started the fire and was not in the least worried drinking a beer. I was in shock but cleaned myself and my daughter and got some warm clothes. Stopped raining and we got to see the most amazing sunset while my daughter played and we ate the most delicious meal cooked by the fire and drank a lovely bottle of wine and by the time I put my daughter to sleep She asked me if I would go to sleep and I responded that I would go back outside for a bit to enjoy the nature surrounding us and she said to me "But mommy I thought you said you don't like nature?" which gave me and my husband the biggest giggle in history. We went to our comfy fluffy sleeping bags and I woke up at 5:00 a.m and left them both asleep to go back to the forest where I walked for two hours and finished with a bath in the cold water of the stream of the mountain that I conquered!!! I apologised then to my old friend nature...
No one told me when I got pregnant that the journey would have no end
No one told me that there would be days when I would feel so tired I would not be sure I could do it
And certainly, no one has told me that it would get harder and harder each day...
Maybe I heard it from my mother during my own upbringing but then I would say my favourite sentence "I did not ask to be born"
During my pregnancy something very strange happened to me called sharing, being an only child, only niece and granddaughter from both mother and father I had to share my body and attention from those around me. Even so I became a lioness ready to kill anyone who dared cross my way to financial security and the fridge included.
Then my mindset was that I wouldn't give up my life to end up like one of those frustrated parents who live their lives through their children. There would be certain limits to my love so that I would never have to suffer rejection or abandon. I was quite enough that my baby was like a demanding parasite inside me. I loved my baby, don't get me wrong, but I wanted it to be born soon for the nightmare to be over.
Every day I would look accusingly at my husband and say I would never do it again, NEVER!
Then the day finally came, one week earlier, the water broke,and off we went to the hospital. During the procedures I would tell my doctor three things 1)"Give me drugs" 2)"Take note of the time so that I can do her birth chart" and 3) "Sew it properly because I don't want "two tummies"". And it was all a bit fuzzy but the real fear was for my husband not to pass out since his colour was greenish grey by then... And She came then and when I looked at her so small (small for me, she was a big baby) and vulnerable crying and wrapped up like a little bundle. They put her in my arms; she rubbed her perfect little nose in my neck and stopped crying. I could see sunshine and hearts radiating out of her and what I said then was ironically hilarious for I looked at my husband and said "I love her so much, let's have another one?"
One could delegate the origin of such words to oxytocin but after that my love kept growing for that little being who needed me so much that I felt suffocated and trapped many times. But I would give my life for her there, here and forever. I understand my mother better today and respect her so much more. What a great mother she is. Thank you mom for putting up with me and my tantrums, for teaching me everything I know about a lot and finally thank you mom for all the love and sacrifices only a mother would do. Every mother should get a gold medal for patience, stamina,pain and torture endurance, lack of sleep world records are beaten every day in rooms all over the world... And We will never know...
I honour you mother today, yesterday, tomorrow and forever...