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I'm back and full of good energies and missed you all so much! I went to Brazil with my daughter for 3 weeks and as usual going to Brasil does bring back my insecurities but it makes me work hard to get the self image a boost. First you get there after 24 hours without sleep and totally bloated from three flights and you know you're above weight and Brazil is the place to feel self conscience on the image you project. I got there one day after my Birthday and my mom was the best, she spoiled me and my daughter so much!
It's good to be spoiled and loved and going back to spend time with the F-A-M-I-L-Y ...
My father's had a younger brother called Henrique do Valle that died in 1981 of an overdose result caused by the time the coup 1964 when my family was exiled and after that non of the young children exiled was ever the same. My uncle was a pure and beautiful soul and a poet that had lightness of fairies and rage of a generation oppressed , so a few months ago I was contacted by an editorial and press about his work being me his only living relative I gave them the material and signed authorization for a new book. In Brazil this month I went to the book launch and what an honour to see my relatives and many people who loves his work there. I remember sitting by his lap and pressing the buttons of his writing machine orange coloured in his bedroom. Legend says I was the only one allowed to touch it. I was 3 years old when he passed away...
I went to a magical place called Gravatal in Santa Catarina where important things along my life happened. The Hotel Termas do Gravatal international has a wealth of healthy programs and volcanic waters released for a few hours a day in to marble baths and the waters are warm at around 37*C naturally from the source. I grew up going there since there is a special friend of my mom and my dad and mine who owns it. She is the most beautiful woman with the giant heart of a lioness like me. When I was a teen she took me there for a few weeks to take my drivers licence and would just lend me the car to practice. And when I met my husband I took him there and we spent our honey moon there. This place is located between green mountains with tracks to hike, mud baths, wine therapy baths, chocolate baths and all sorts of therapeutic massages and therapies. Going there with my daughter and having those jets of pure thermal water cleansing and massaging my being. Seeing friends I grew up with was just rejuvenating and perfect. My mom was so sweet to look after my daughter and letting me heal and enjoy that paradise.
Then I went to my hairdresser Dimi Rafaelli and he did his miracle on me with the brazilian hair keratine brush followed by a many/pedi at the same time with a waxing and my eyelashes being permanently curled up by Carmen Barcellos both in Porto Alegre, Hugo Beauty Lageado.
I need to confess that I have caved in to a little botox in my forehead perfectly performed by a dermatologist specialized in beauty called Veronica Bender in Porto Alegre as well..
Thanks Brazil for lifting my self image to the sky!
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THE PREJUDGEMENTAL prejudice I live my life and try not to judge other people. Each person is unique and how they choose to cope with their problems, memories, emotions, realities, delusions and mistakes... We all have our escape mechanisms and no person is better or worse than the other. WE are all equal human beings fighting to live our lives in the best possible way with the tools given to us by our parents, upbringing, society, education, nationality and so on... But the reality is that we all come from the same place and we are all going to the same place in the end. We don't know everything that there is to know about life and how to live our lives. No one has the right to pre judge another person for their choices or lack of choices. So I live my life and try to be good, kind, do a good action a day, give my daughter all the best education and possibilities...And not to judge other people for their choices. Assuming others will do the same, I try not to change others and respect their preferences, choices and quirks. To pre judge someone is to judge another person before knowing all that there is to know about what motivates that person to act. It's to judge before the action has taken place and therefore it is prejudice right? So I live my life and am happy with it... chose to use my free will and do no harm to others !! What else is there? Oh yes, I believe in fairies and miracles!!! If a person likes me it's for who I am and won't try to change the way I am...
“Mujeres al borde de un ataque de nervios” from Almodovar is more like me at this moment in time. I’m near the wrong side of my thirties and haven’t been exercising for a few months for I figured that paying for gym was healthy enough right? I have found my long lost love for marshmallows in the microwave and COKE not the ZERO COKE but the red sugary one. I guess I could blame it on anxiety but the truth is that I have been too lazy to contemplate exercise. I am back then, Monday I went to a step class into which I fell on my bottom but got up with all the grace I could master and continued to a body pump class, funny enough I have spent two days resembling a limping robot when I walk. The lactic acid in my muscles did not allow me to go down the stairs without the noises to accompany from “huu ouch f… han ouchy” or just a scream of pain much less up the stairs. By the end of day yesterday my husband and daughter were both on the verge of “HARAKIRY”. Needless to say I went to the gym today and did double the weights from Monday and ran. Summer will come and no, I do not intend to become a triathlon champion but I intend to feel good inside this lovely temple of mine for I have to live with it. I wish I could eat whatever I wanted and be really skinny blaming on my super fast metabolism and say things like “I have always tried to gain weight but it is impossible” or “I never exercised and I am a chocaholic but my weight is always the same. I am just lucky” but instead I am human and normal so I can say that if my body is in good shape is thanks to hard work and starvation denial mode.
My compulsive behaviour unfortunately won’t allow me to do things in equilibrium so now I am determined to gym it and I will do it until I get into some other kind of trip.
Note to self or MOTO of the season is
mens sana in corpore sano
The phrase comes from Satire X of the Roman poet Juvenal (10.356). It is the first in a list of what is desirable in life:
|English translation:You should pray for a healthy mind in a healthy body. Ask for a stout heart that has no fear of death, and deems length of days the least of Nature’s gifts that can endure any kind of toil, that knows neither wrath nor desire and thinks the woes and hard labors of Hercules better than the loves and banquets and downy cushions of Sardanapalus. What I commend to you, you can give to yourself; For assuredly, the only road to a life of peace is virtue.|
|In original Latin:orandum est ut sit mens sana in corpore sano. fortem posce animum mortis terrore carentem, qui spatium vitae extremum inter munera ponat naturae, qui ferre queat quoscum que labores, nesciat irasci, cupiat nihil et potiores Herculis aerumnas credat saevosque labores et venere et cenis et pluma Sardanapalli. monstro quod ipse tibi possis dare; semita certe tranquillae per virtutem patet unica vitae. —Roman poet Juvenal (10.356-64)|
LIVE FAST,DIE YOUNG AND HAVE NICE CORPSE
I have lived by this quote when younger. My daddy died when I was 17 years old and he was 39 and seven days before he would complete 40 years old and seven days after I completed 17 years old. At the time I felt a sort of lightness as if I was flying and free and maybe it is because I knew my dad was flying free. To love and to care is to create roots and shackles of responsibility for once again I have to call for my most prized greek philosophers and the theory that whatever you posses does posses you creating a lack of freedom. We all want freedom and at the same time We want to love and be loved and in the paradox of our eternal bottomless pit of desires and ambitions resides the unobtainable reality of the dreams that can not be. The lyrics of the Rolling Stones "You can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes... You just might find... You get what you need" makes sense.
So what if We all could get everything we want? We still wouldn't be happy because human beings need to need and desire to desire. We are always fighting and if we all had the power to obtain easily or knew we would then where would the fun be? We would all die of boredom.As Oscar Wilde shows in Dorian Grey because he could do anything he wanted and live forever but that freedom turn his life in debauch and emptiness.
In "Brave new world" by Aldous Huxley, my life changed. I read it and realized a few things: 1)the umbilical cord of motherhood is the first of our prisons and in the natural evolution of a normal life we will seek to create shackles of love at some point; 2) I discovered then the difference between the idea and the reality are two different things for, in reality, the biggest prison does not reside in the love from a mother to a child or vice versa but it does live in our own minds. The conclusion then is that our cooping mechanisms and actions are the jail and how we react to life in society and so on what do we expect from our selves and others and what we think others expect from us and how react to that speculation .
In reality, relationships are mirrors of how we feel and what we are in essence. And the world spins accordingly to our rhythm for it is all just the law of action and reaction!
Miss you dad, with all my heart.
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Quotes from COCO CHANEL
I remember the first time when I was home alone. I was about twelve years old and I realized the beauty solitude can be. There and then I fell in love with my own company, fell in love with little silly secrets . I discovered that whatever action of mine was only observed by me and my conscience. It’s not that those secrets were anything worthy of being secrets but just the acknowledgement achieved that day, that moment, that no eyes would judge or admire my actions gave me power for such experience can be quite exhilarating.
I have memories and sensations that shaped my personality. I remember my mom coming back from the hairdresser with long red curls and thinking she was the most beautiful woman in the world. I remember just laughing with my dad and thinking he was just the coolest handsomest guy in the world. And this admiration and love will never cease to exist. I am very lucky because I was brought up in to so much love and amidst people that I will always admire. One day I discovered my parents were far from being perfect but still to me they are and will always be the most perfect imperfect people in the world.
Life is made of so many little moments and it’s hard sometimes to just transform yourself in to an eagle and observe your reality from a totally different perception. I have, since as long as I can remember, been able to be an eagle and fly high surrounding that moment of pain or glory. It is simple to do it for all one needs is to try to imagine how that moment will reverberate in the memory and heart years ahead and in doing it so the eagle that exists in you will fly and disconnect from the moment and the emotions caused by whatever situation. When I fly I do it out of wisdom and not out of any “enhancements” and/or “substances” other than my capacity to cope with situations for this article has no correlation to “The doors perception”. I just manage to see the bigger picture in moments when emotions are clouding my view. Emotions can be the biggest enemies of wisdom. They are addictive, repetitive, cruel and kind. An emotion can cause eco in the soul and that eco can trigger a person to act in ripples repeatedly responding to the original point where the shout started.
It can be extremely difficult to break the ripple and shout back creating a different eco when every single molecule in your body intoxicated by the emotion trigger that caused that ECO OOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!! That caused that ripple that some never stop recreating over and over those same “comforting” sensations ( by comforting I don’t mean good necessarily but well recognized the ripple).
A Siberian Shaman once took a small group of people to a mountain surrounded by the sea and in this group it happens that I was a part along with my mother. After many exercises with drums and especial breathing exercises. Then the Shaman asked us to each in its time shout really loud, to scream from the top of our lungs asking the “GREAT SPIRIT” or was it “ANCIENT GREAT SPIRIT OF EARTH”? The mission for each and every one of the small group was to shout and ask for our deepest desire in life. They all shouted first but when it was my turn I did it with all my might asking for my deepest and most profound desire in life. I shouted looking at the sky and the infinity of the sea and I was feeling like I was talking to the Universe, to God, to the origins of every single molecule of energy that has ever existed and will ever exist and I asked it. What I asked for I got and when I finished my whole body was shaking with that energy of pure release and completion. I really created a different eco there and then. Braking the ripple and creating a different eco, flying the eagle of wisdom … Yep by now whoever reads these might take me for a total loony but do you know what? I really do not care!!!
Have a great weekend and break the ripple !
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