I am so scared!!!
I don’t know if you remember the stone cottage I bought at auction and I was euphoric at the time but as reality sets I am so frightened… The plan is to move our home then finish the cottage and sell it again and it’s a great plan. We decided we needed to do things that would take us out of our comfort zone while we are not too old ( and isn’t life all about changes and facing your fears, get out of your comfort zone and live?).
Sometimes I feel like I am carrying the world and balancing between two gigantic buildings in New York on top of a thin line … AHHHAHHH
I have moved countries with a tiny baby for goodness sakes !!! I have moved out of my comfort zone the moment I was born and I have felt like this before, maybe it’s age or maybe it’s because I did my home with love and it’s difficult to just let go… The situation is not bad and I am privileged to own two beautiful homes at the moment, I am a lucky b…ee… if you know what I mean? But that is so scary …
We are all tired and now I am reminded about a nightmare I have sometimes .. We are couples and we have to dance until the last one standing wins but hey?! It’s not a nightmare but reality disguised in caricatures of enhanced realities. And in life, sometimes, while living it you think it’s hard but it does pass and on tomorrow’s yesterday this memory will be a happy memory since I will have faced my fears already and will look for more challenges. The moment we stop challenging our comfort zone is the day we die and so that’s where I am in life at the moment.
Have a nice week and think about it… We build a perfect life and get comfortable, where we go from there it’s what distinguish us as eternal beauties or statues.
©copyrights Sybil Schon -www.unfocusedsecretbeautee.com
Million dollar baby without the boxing ...
There are so many things I have always wanted to do and never got the chance to, places I would like to go, that patchwork quilt made of all the fabric I keep stuffed everywhere in the house. In fact if I start to think about it critically about myself it will be torture so what I do is think about that movie, yeah THAT MOVIE GIVES ME COMFORT because in “Million Dollar Baby” the girl is 30 plus years old and she has a dream and goes after it with all that she has even against all odds she goes for the coach she wants but he spends the whole movie saying she is too old and just starting so she has no chance. Ok I admit it that the end is sad but even then it’s an inspiring movie because it makes me value life and accept the age I am now, gives me hope because she proves they were wrong to put her down, she makes herself be admired and loved by the coach and by love I mean fraternal love. I haven't made it clear until now that I don’t want to become a professional boxer and never had career ambitions. In fact today, apart from one stone over my mental images, I pretty much achieved all of my childhood dreams and mental images of how my life would be.
THE CAMPING TRIP
I have a confession to make... I have never been on a camping trip before yesterday. Since sunday I hosted a Birthday party for seventeen four years old little friends of my currently four years old daughter. By the end of the party I came back home and started opening presents and writing down thank you cards. Then we decided that on monday we would go camping (we didn't have a tent or sleeping bags or anything) for the night of monday only. So yesterday I woke up and got some clothes and some food and we went to the supermarket then the outdoors shop to buy a tent. We set up the tent and I decided to explore the surroundings with my little daughter and we ended up in an Idyllic beach after going down a mountain through a deserted enchanted forest with waterfalls and streams running throughout. The forest reminded me of Snow White's Fairytale. By the time We got to the beach we were already tired and my dear daughter was already asking me for a cuddle (to be carried on my arms) and we had the way up the hill to face. I put my bravest face and we started climbing that hill forest, I was scared by then because it was a gloomy forest and what if we got lost? plus it was 17hs by then... up we went while having my daughter in my back sometimes. At a certain point I thought with myself that I would not be able to finish it but there was no phone coverage (not one little bar) and if I gave up then we would have to what? Sleep in the forest? plus I did believe we were lost. My clothes were all dirty and sweat left my hair wet but I could not give up... By then it was a nightmare and I started thinking about those stories of tourists that disappear and are never found... I couldn't seem nervous for my daughter's sake... I heard then what sounded like a helicopter and thought that maybe it was my husband worried since we had left for 4 hours but we kept going because no helicopter would spot us deep in those woods and knowing my husband I knew he would only worry if it was night and we were not back... then it escaped my mouth "I DO NOT LIKE NATURE IN TIMES LIKE THIS". And after what seemed like an eternity I found the first fence that would lead us back to the camping site. After three more fences we would be back. My arms were killing me from holding my brave daughter, my glutes were burning and started raining hard when we got to the tent. My husband had just started the fire and was not in the least worried drinking a beer. I was in shock but cleaned myself and my daughter and got some warm clothes. Stopped raining and we got to see the most amazing sunset while my daughter played and we ate the most delicious meal cooked by the fire and drank a lovely bottle of wine and by the time I put my daughter to sleep She asked me if I would go to sleep and I responded that I would go back outside for a bit to enjoy the nature surrounding us and she said to me "But mommy I thought you said you don't like nature?" which gave me and my husband the biggest giggle in history. We went to our comfy fluffy sleeping bags and I woke up at 5:00 a.m and left them both asleep to go back to the forest where I walked for two hours and finished with a bath in the cold water of the stream of the mountain that I conquered!!! I apologised then to my old friend nature...
THE PREJUDGEMENTAL prejudice
I live my life and try not to judge other people. Each person is unique and how they choose to cope with their problems, memories, emotions, realities, delusions and mistakes...
We all have our escape mechanisms and no person is better or worse than the other. WE are all equal human beings fighting to live our lives in the best possible way with the tools given to us by our parents, upbringing, society, education, nationality and so on...
But the reality is that we all come from the same place and we are all going to the same place in the end. We don't know everything that there is to know about life and how to live our lives. No one has the right to pre judge another person for their choices or lack of choices.
So I live my life and try to be good, kind, do a good action a day, give my daughter all the best education and possibilities...And not to judge other people for their choices. Assuming others will do the same, I try not to change others and respect their preferences, choices and quirks.
To pre judge someone is to judge another person before knowing all that there is to know about what motivates that person to act. It's to judge before the action has taken place and therefore it is prejudice right?
So I live my life and am happy with it... chose to use my free will and do no harm to others !! What else is there? Oh yes, I believe in fairies and miracles!!! If a person likes me it's for who I am and won't try to change the way I am...
What would you do if you had a time machine?
Do you remember that movie with Christopher Reeves where he wanted to meet a girl he saw on a photograph and he dressed himself with clothes from the time and kept repeating time and time again until he met her? Do you believe that all your dreams can become true if you believe they will? Have you ever wondered why is it that some people have it all and some don’t? Why are some born with so much and others with nothing? Is the whole theory of life after death true and if it is would that justify our actions here on this life? Is personality a product of our environment or our DNA? Why? Why? Why? If life is a loop then death is what? Do you believe in “an eye for an eye”?
All I know is that since I was really small I have always had this pain and compassion that made me cry and feel guilty for seeing an old person suffering. Sensibility comes with a price, being born in a good family and out of love comes with a price. More than once I was told my soul was ancient and what does that mean? When I was really small I used to go and sleep at my grandmother’s home and in her bed sometimes. She was really catholic with a portrait of Sacred Heart of JESUS in front of her bed and once I dreamt he was extending his arms and looking at me offering his heart to me. Years later I used to dream all the time I was flying and then one day during a very hard time in my life I dreamt about a saint that unties knots and I had a little pray with her image in a flyer I got on the streets and as I was falling asleep there was this feeling of cold fear and a bad presence around me that in my semi-asleep condition made my light shade shake then she came to me the saint that unties the knots and she was doing it for me and for my life giving me reassurance that whatever problems I was facing they would be resolved.
When my father died it was unexpected one day he was here and the next he wasn’t and I saw him die of a heart attack. Ten years later I used to dream we met in a greenish blue hotel room and he was never dead he was just traveling around the world. I used to say to him in my dreams “Why didn’t you tell me? I have so much to tell you!” and the only thing that was clear to me was that he was aware of what was important in my life and he loved me so much but he needed to continue with his journey. Many dreams I’ve had in my life that warned or reassured me.
So my belief is that we are all energy, pure energy and energy can be light or the lack of light creating the dark holes and yes there are good and there are bad people as there is light and darkness we are all little children when it comes to understanding who and why are we here in this planet.
Have you ever felt unprotected and vulnerable? Have you ever felt rage for being the victim of injustices? I did felt like this a few times and that’s where Nicolau Maquiavel became one of my best friends. Revenge is a plate that has to be eaten cold but for me it has always been a delicious CARPACCIO well made. When I felt injustice was made to me the thought was about velvet gloves and being as good as I could for an eye for an eye exists but not by paying on the same coin but a coin made of platinum with diamonds. In reality by the time you are eating that delicious CARPACCIO you are so entranced in to your self- improvement and in procuring the reality of your dreams that whoever is feeling the pain of the velvet glove is left behind in light years.
Recurring to my earlier questions which some have been answered to my best capabilities and others are not suitable for a mere human being to answer. For me to answer those questions I would need to be GOD or die and my soul intents to live life to the full. This ancient soul of mine intents to live the birth of dreams and goals and the path walked to reach them and then more dreams and goals… The loop is here and now, every day when you awake to life there is a choice to be made: FACE IT AS A MIRACLE OR JUST ONE MORE DAY, IT’S YOUR CHOICE WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
I remember the first time when I was home alone. I was about twelve years old and I realized the beauty solitude can be. There and then I fell in love with my own company, fell in love with little silly secrets . I discovered that whatever action of mine was only observed by me and my conscience. It’s not that those secrets were anything worthy of being secrets but just the acknowledgement achieved that day, that moment, that no eyes would judge or admire my actions gave me power for such experience can be quite exhilarating.
I have memories and sensations that shaped my personality. I remember my mom coming back from the hairdresser with long red curls and thinking she was the most beautiful woman in the world. I remember just laughing with my dad and thinking he was just the coolest handsomest guy in the world. And this admiration and love will never cease to exist. I am very lucky because I was brought up in to so much love and amidst people that I will always admire. One day I discovered my parents were far from being perfect but still to me they are and will always be the most perfect imperfect people in the world.
Life is made of so many little moments and it’s hard sometimes to just transform yourself in to an eagle and observe your reality from a totally different perception. I have, since as long as I can remember, been able to be an eagle and fly high surrounding that moment of pain or glory. It is simple to do it for all one needs is to try to imagine how that moment will reverberate in the memory and heart years ahead and in doing it so the eagle that exists in you will fly and disconnect from the moment and the emotions caused by whatever situation. When I fly I do it out of wisdom and not out of any “enhancements” and/or “substances” other than my capacity to cope with situations for this article has no correlation to “The doors perception”. I just manage to see the bigger picture in moments when emotions are clouding my view. Emotions can be the biggest enemies of wisdom. They are addictive, repetitive, cruel and kind. An emotion can cause eco in the soul and that eco can trigger a person to act in ripples repeatedly responding to the original point where the shout started.
It can be extremely difficult to break the ripple and shout back creating a different eco when every single molecule in your body intoxicated by the emotion trigger that caused that ECO OOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!! That caused that ripple that some never stop recreating over and over those same “comforting” sensations ( by comforting I don’t mean good necessarily but well recognized the ripple).
A Siberian Shaman once took a small group of people to a mountain surrounded by the sea and in this group it happens that I was a part along with my mother. After many exercises with drums and especial breathing exercises. Then the Shaman asked us to each in its time shout really loud, to scream from the top of our lungs asking the “GREAT SPIRIT” or was it “ANCIENT GREAT SPIRIT OF EARTH”? The mission for each and every one of the small group was to shout and ask for our deepest desire in life. They all shouted first but when it was my turn I did it with all my might asking for my deepest and most profound desire in life. I shouted looking at the sky and the infinity of the sea and I was feeling like I was talking to the Universe, to God, to the origins of every single molecule of energy that has ever existed and will ever exist and I asked it. What I asked for I got and when I finished my whole body was shaking with that energy of pure release and completion. I really created a different eco there and then. Braking the ripple and creating a different eco, flying the eagle of wisdom … Yep by now whoever reads these might take me for a total loony but do you know what? I really do not care!!!
Have a great weekend and break the ripple !
<a href=”Visit S’s profile on Pinterest.
I’ve been busy, my new addiction in the last month is Freebie websites because I got converted by all the savvy moms that I encountered on my last compulsion for pinterest. So my thought was that if I got loads of followers on pinterest and wrote a blog about my amazing organization skills I will be famous and build a website and sell all the things I bought when I decided that selling on e bay was a great idea ( subject for another post I suppose). I will then be a millionaire like Martha Stewart but without the tax evasion slip mind you. I’ve got to say that I followed all the great ideas of the blogs I encountered surfing on pinterest and to my surprise I ended up spending at least 50 hours of my life answering surveys and for that I got an immense quantity of spams and phone calls about PPI and so on plus loads of free samples and junk mail (Free samples good) but at some point you are doing something important that requires attention and your phone rings and rings and it’s all about swags and unwanted services. I even got to the point of creating a whole new persona on facebook just to get free gifts and samples. I’ve got to be brutally honest here and tell you that I have a dressing room packet with clothes, shoes and beauty products, diy, crafting, etc… So I don’t really need more but trying to get free stuff can be like a game and I am very competitive so I played the game. My husband was freaked out when I told him about the new persona on facebook because let’s face it: IT IS CREEPY!!!!
I know it’s insane when I’m doing it but what is the fun in life if you don’t try it when you feel like trying it? What is the fun in pretending to be so grown up all the time? Where is the rabbit hole ? Why do I do such things? I believe that I need to see things through different perspectives and dive in the cold water to wake my senses. We all want to experience things our selves and even if someone tells you about how such a bad idea it is We do it anyway because it might be a good idea for me and bad for others. If I do not do it, I might be missing out, right?
Have a happy easter!
Woke up and had an epiphany !!!! There is no left or right or right and wrong for religions are violent and cathedrals are smaller then shopping centers … We are all faithful to nothing zombie living beings trying so hard to socialize through the the channels of loneliness!!! Even the real is not real anymore…
youtube FT interesting